The basket case involves some aspects of domestic violence in in just the past few weeks with the disappearance of the young metro woman. We're reminded of the case of Carriker Penske. Missing for years now after reports of abuse at the hands of her boyfriend those cases since so many more. Bring us to this morning's cover story would abuse hits home. As we begin our in depth team coverage we found that victims of domestic abuse. Often share similar stories here's Jim Cunningham as many victims of abuse will tell you pull it off the start small but will eventually get violent. For Tonya it didn't happen until she was in her forties and started dating a guy. There were things that water. I'm not going to hearing you commenting on and what I was wondering how I was banging my social timing. Like so many other domestic abuse cases the subtle became severe in. Power and control it just. Grill. Unfortunately and you do have bird said the car incident. And one involving the Pentagon. Her boyfriend pointed the gun at her but didn't pull the trigger. He was arrested Tonya spent nine months in that relationship and even went back to her abuser after the incident with a gun. She left two weeks later and never looked back. Jim Cunningham came BC news. So how do you know when someone is the victim of abuse what are the signs to look for Kara marks her. Talked to the executive director of the Kansas coalition against sexual and domestic violence Joyce Grover says he doesn't start with bruises and black guy is domestic violence usually begins in much more subtle ways. It usually starts with isolating evict them. So you heard you began cannot see your friends start your family it's you're at you serious saying oh I don't want you to go over there. And offer support to the victim the national domestic violence hotline number to get help is 1807997233. Kara marks that are KM be seen. It was getting away from a situation of domestic violence can sometimes involve a court order a restraining order. But so many of us have questions how in the world do you make those stick. That's another part of our cover story would abuse hits home domestic violence can affect more than just an attacker and victim. Their kids there are family and as we continue our cover story would abuse hits home. Dan wind bomb takes a look at the view of someone who often gets caught in the middle of domestic violence. Via hundreds of them and they're all different warns berg police chiefs rich Lockhart yet in my experience this is probably the most common all that I handled as a police officer. In most police officers in general will handle. G Lockhart says a domestic disturbance is one of the most stressful situations a police officer will respond to. There are so many different dynamics. You have this abuse of dynamic setup where. The abuse person is dependent typically upon the abuser for support whether that be emotional monitor support. So they don't want to see that particular way. And that makes it difficult to remedy a situation on scene in the heat of the moment especially with the Missouri as a mandatory arrest date for a primary aggressor. And that can flip the script for a cup. Now the police officer who try to remove the abuser to make a home safe. Become targets for the abused person. As he says it's stressful. The best outcome. If you can get the person out of that relationship and get countries and support services. They have a greater success. Resolving this situation positively. This is Dan one bomb four KM BZ news distancing yourself from an abuser will probably involve a restraining order Sarah Scott spoke to one local prosecutor about the benefits and the down falls. That come with an order protection. First of all it is just a piece of paper not an armed guard but that doesn't mean it's useless like any prosecutor aired on says an order protection provides a buffer zone. Because the whole purpose of the order of protection is to say you cannot come within a hundred feet. Of this other person. You can't contact this other person. In doing so becomes a crime in and of itself Zaun says it's possible to file for an order protection that any time the courts are open for that purpose every day of every year and every hour of every day. An added bonus to be restraining order it provides a paper trail for about abuser tell all the story domestic abuse. We knew we had to talk to the victims of domestic abuse. For Melanie who is in her sixties it's been a lifelong pattern of abuse. As a child she wants a respected and couldn't share her thoughts. I never thought about that being a part. Why didn't feel good enough to be. I have heard. Since 1977. Melanie has been married five times and with each marriage came abuse. She says the abusers often are convincing and charismatic especially to those outside the home. You know that content pretty. Abused woman that. She's the problem. She's crazy she's the one that saying it wrong. Melanie hopes others will find out there is help and there is a way out for those trapped in domestic abuse. Jim Cunningham KM BC news restraining orders although there is simply just a piece of paper. Can be very good to have an a domestic violence situation. Like any prosecutor Eric Zahn says it. An order protection allows police and courts to provide more protection to the victim. We know this about domestic violence that happens in this pickle. That that after there's a period of abuse oftentimes abusers tried very hard to reconcile. With their victims. And they often succeed in in doing that partly because they may have financial or emotional. Or other sorts of leverage over the Vick. But it in order protectionism plays police might be oldest champion before abuse it curse. At the very least. He provides a paper trail. Part of breaking the cycle of domestic abuse is getting out getting away from its staying away from it. But there's no set formula on win to leave an abusive relationship bill Grady continues or Thursday morning cover story and found that getting out can be risky. Who's the bigger than the courage of women children domestic abuse concerns most old victim after the relation program that. Kristi Kaufmann applaud it and look at it Rosa Brooks a virtual scale abusing human of Boeing's never got fools gold and someone bagels that could export problems. That is definitely possible our emergency shelter in turn published location so leaving your relationship like I'll be that they think that somebody can do. And Bachmann certainly women don't want to believe we shall we won't be abused and there's torched harming the partner who are suffering customers that decision. Tree algebra grim for a news overly jealous controlling behavior. That can escalate. Real Brady kingdom BC news. Be interesting to meet you see how many how many cases abuse began with controlling behavior. Because that's my that's sort of my assumption that's where beacons. If you read like the dear Abby columns yes you'll have like a young girl who's in a relationship where everything's been trying to be controlled and she will say you know that is. A red flag yet that you're getting into an abusive relationship cover story this morning is when abuse hits home we're taking a look at domestic a vinyl domestic violence. How to recognize it how to help and how to get away from it. I'm in what is on the news line as part of our discussion this morning is doctor Stephen lesson Ph.D. in behavioral pediatrics at the University of Kansas hospital. And doctor lasted about a part of the reason we're talking to you is that it's not just about men being violent against women there is violence against men children often get caught up in domestic violence in the home as well. Absolutely. Can really strike in Rhode it is true relationships in the home. And as you say it's traditionally than you do as a a male perpetrators. Issues that certainly can impact these and children grandchildren home. Doctor lesson when kids grow at a home where there's domestic abuse and they see it even if that isn't directed at them are they likely to become adults who become abusers are allowed themselves to be abused. The resurgence pretty clear indicator in its who do are exposed to that kind of where. Relational. Violence in the home are greater risk to do so on the same French woman guerrilla. That makes sense you know home this really the model where were socialized. And clearly when it's are exposed to relationships. Involve violence and aggression than kind. And that's and that's what facing in the more likely to engage in those kinds of principle. Doctor Steven lasts and works in behavioral pediatrics at the University of Kansas hospital. But what science. Can we look for in children to indicate. Two things one that they've been abused obviously other than bruises and such that they've been abused or perhaps can we read. In a child that their mom or dad is being abused. Here so it's a pretty clear that a couple of national they're not doing well and so we'll work. We're one and look courts in general change in control. That should be of great interest to us and something with more forceful. And typical signs that you know it's the consumer. And experiencing abuses have been kind in the way. Be aggressive behaviors. So there's more poor than there could it's mark calling. I think change and school performance. A draw and social that the it is not warming to go home and sometimes and secured some hospitals and confused. With ought to leave the hospital. And when the trouble on the leave the hospital looks pretty good sign there's something wrong. Aggressors the the fire behaviors those kinds of things are pretty typical signs that it's her experience and some sort of traumatic to them a call. Doctor lessons of people would say I don't want to leave him and her for the kids Abd I've won a protected under the sanctity of the home although there's much sanctity there. Is that a huge mistake get out is that is that the answer. Looked at the clear situation. It's war in the on going abuse in the NC. Answered troops in no chrome users simply search. As cute little better in this environment where. Parents are divorced work or function border. Between themselves. And so there's a lot of the scoop on Google. Let's listen as traumatic mr. home. Good students. Have couple who decides to divorce. And thereby increasing. From materials Gypsy. Doctor Stephen Glass and it was on the news line. Behavioral pediatrics is his specialty the University of Kansas hospital all part of our cover story this morning when abuse. It's home before she was a senator senator Claire McCaskill was a prosecutor in the state of Missouri she's kind enough to join us on the news line this morning as part of our cover story when abuse hits home senator good morning and thank you for taking the timeless. Of course I'm so glad you are talking about the subject in depth I think too often. Yeah the people we headliner too and they don't really understand. That they probably know from that Danny potentially very dangerous relationship. Senator why is domestic violence such a and and the the only term accomplish this. Behind the scenes crime. Because what you have to hand you have to have. On a victim. Too not only half to escape our relationship. Where control. In the name of the game. High. Her boyfriend are out and secondly she actually Mitt. Publicly. That she you know. She picked this cap. In a way it's like you're in dare to say you are in a relationship where someone. Would physically assault you. And what that thing about your judgment. And the act the part about this and you're taking for pain that you hope will always remain private that you're having to go public. In order to protect yourself in many times your children. We failed a lot of studies that really motivate women to extricate themselves to death help. Can hold their bare at the personal file to them accountable. Is the fear for their children. And it's it's we've made great progress on this for over there. Three decades I'd been working on this and many others I might add. But still there's still wait to meet people who are suffering in silence and frankly are in danger. Senator McCaskill we've had a number of comments on the T excellent from men who have been abuse. Our prosecutors. Reluctant. To. Charge Whitman with abuse. No I think I think the same thing applies to men. Then again that it is something that they hope they can handle it something that they believe it. It's. Showed him incapable of it and lean. The woman in their life. Particularly with the guns that are everywhere. People need to realize that this is the door swings both play. The person who is abusing some line. Is one in control. They are massively in the future. The actively. Drilling threatened by the world around them. And they wanna control something they try to control. The person that they purportedly. I don't supposedly care about. Senator Claire McCaskill as well as on the news line and and senator right now as you're talking with us there are men and there are women listening. Who are being abused today. What can you say to embolden them to take the steps that they need to take to get out of that relationship and do it in a way. That it won't spark. More violence against them. Well they need to get professional help and a good place to start in the Kansas City area. But let's hope house. And let Brooks center. These are shelters. Provide housing for women in their family and can assist men we're housing. Com to get physically out the relationship. In order of protection is important. It is not that suit of armor but what it to go out police intervention much easier or easily in more quickly. That's something you can do. To get the initial ex parte order you do not. Have to go to court with. The person to be that he knew it was going to first now that you will they will have an opportunity to come in and they do not think that they're that you can't take that first step. Most importantly is realize it's not gonna get better. The most important thing people have to realize it escalate. You are going to be in danger and dictionary you'd take steps to get out the relationship. The more say if you are gonna be in the Mort if you can't remember going to be. Senator Claire McCaskill with us on the news line this morning senator we certainly appreciate your perspective and your time this morning is as part of our cover story thank you very much. And I would say to that I could. I'm people who care about this is who knows someone who'd been a relationship. Those two organizations like talked about that production hub house. To turn people away and you can imagine the extent of his pocket housing young children can and can't simply jobs circuit for the I hope that it went to a generous in the help about the two organizations. They do great work in industry. Thank you senator as well. Domestic violence it's a crime that affects more people that you think and it does not discriminate men women children all are victims. As part of our Thursday morning cover story one abuse hits home Jim Cunningham spoke with some victims of domestic abuse and found out. There's a common thread to most all of the cases. Some victims of domestic abuse experienced it first in their teens others may not until later in life. However once the abuse starts experts say the pattern usually repeats Melanie has been married five times all abusive marriages. It would very sad that I chose the playing hurt and each time that it would what I saw as a very young child this is too will appreciate me. Melanie hopes others won't make the same mistake. And get out before it's too late. You need to stay safe. That is huge especially if you have children. Even if you need to just. Leave in the middle of the day while they're gone whatever it takes good care of safety. If you don't know where to turn Melanie says start with police she says they have several resources available for people trapped in domestic abuse. Jim Cunningham camp BC news doesn't matter if he's six foot five and abuse of woman can still find ways to make a man feel worthless and physically abused him without consequence. This came BZ Lister says he is still drawn to his abuser he needs her approval even after she ruined his finances and jeopardized his relationship with a son. Sharon do anything or give up everything. All my friends all my finances. Everything. To please this world and we're bottom of. Our listeners said he felt the need to fix his girlfriend and he found himself making excuses for her behavior. Because of her history of being victimized as a child. One of the possibilities of getting out of domestic abuse. Restraining orders although there are essentially just a piece of paper they can be very good to have an a domestic violence situation. Platte county prosecutor Eric son says they allow police and courts to provide more protection to the victim. We know this about domestic violence that happens in the cycle. That that after there's a period of abuse oftentimes abuses tried very hard to reconcile. With their victims. And they often succeed in in doing that partly because they may have financial or emotional. Or other sorts of leverage over the victim. But if an order protection is in place police might be able to step in before any abuse occurs at the very least it provides a paper trail. This man into the tech sciences protection orders can be gotten by a woman just by saying they're afraid men have to offer mountains. Of proof.